What to say to someone going through IVF or infertility

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/38311820/ns/health-womens_health/t/many-couples-struggle-infertility-silence/#.WnSfPGdMqHs

I know that a lot of my friends and family have felt uneasy about what to say or if they should ask me how things are going or where I'm at in the treatment process. Honestly, not saying anything and not asking is actually worse. It feels good to know people are thinking of you and that you don't have to feel nervous, cautious or embarrassed to talk to about it. As have many other women going through IVF, I've had a lot of disappointments and devastating news throughout the process, as its not a 100% guarantee that you're going to get pregnant or have a baby afterwards. Really its more like 40-50% chance per IVF attempt on average depending on your being under 35. My sole purpose of writing this post is based on my feelings of loneliness and isolation while going through the infertility and IVF process. I want to help those that have a loved one going through something health wise, whatever the situation is. Having a health issue of any kind is stressful and difficult, even if its not IVF you can probably apply this advice to it in order to understand what to say or do to be more supportive and show your loved ones you care and are there for them.

It really is quite simple. Infertility, particularly cycles of medications and injections and testing and procedures, is very stressful and lonely. Any illness where you are constantly going to the doctor and getting medical procedures done is completely on another level of stress and emotional/physical pain. It impacts relationships you once had closeness with, it strains personal relationship with those on the opposite end of the spectrum from you. If people don't understand what you are going through, they tend to shy away because they don't know what to say or how to relate to your struggles. When you are going through it, you just need people around to listen, to reach out even if its just to say "I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and I love you. Let's get together and talk soon." Chances are, this simple gesture will brighten their day. Most of us going through this lonely journey just want a few hours of your time and a good hug. Check in with people you love going through something regularly to say hi and I'm thinking of you. I'm not always a phone person, but lately even a phone call is more welcome. I truly believe a friend date, whether it be pedicures, the movies, dinner, shopping, exercising, or just sitting around talking and laughing helps. I've seen studies that show this closeness and bonding with family and friends can actually boost the success rates for people going through IVF, because the stress "fight or flight" hormones go down when you are happy and laughing. I take this to prove that spending time with supportive friends and family really is good for your health!

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20069/why-spending-time-with-friends-boosts-your-oxytocin.html

So my final thoughts on this topic is to reach out to a person struggling from infertility or another illness. You don't have to worry about not understanding what they are going through, making an effort is half the battle. I am sure that this person is glad you aren't going through it, too and if they want to talk to you about it they will. Just reach out and be present. That is really all those of us struggling with something truly want.