Since going through infertility and medical interventions to try and improve our chances to have a baby of our own, I have met a lot of wonderful people through social media as well as the clinics that I've gone to. A lot of the women that I've met often tell me that the have not told many people what they are going through. They feel it is a very private thing and they often just deal with the stupid things people say to them "when are you having kids?" "You're not getting any younger." "What's the point of getting married if your not going to start a family." For all the people that have said these stupid things, please stop!! You have no idea what someone may be going through to have a freaking baby. Probably more than you'd ever do if you were in their shoes... These ladies I've met are often surprised that I'm being so open about it. And here's what I tell them.
I feel that being open about my struggles can help others that are afraid to tell people what they are going through. In a sense it helps me when I speak to others about my struggles, because I feel less alone when people reach out. Even if these people are those that can get pregnant by looking at their significant others (figuratively), if they care enough about me to reach out and ask how I'm doing, it makes me feel better. It took me awhile to get past the embarrassment to share something so private with my close friends and even my social community. You worry what others are going to think about you, if they will think that maybe its something you did to cause this issue, that you are flawed as a result of this struggle, etc. But who is really perfect anyhow? I say the more that people speak up about this pain and suffering, the less people that will have to suffer in silence. And who knows, maybe one day everyone that has to go through this will actually have the ability to not worry about their bank accounts in order to have a baby. I sure hope so!
Believe it or not, there are a lot of celebrities that have suffered this battle too! Here are a few of them and their stories (quotes pulled from mindbodygreen.com):
Jennifer Aniston- “I don’t like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women — that you’ve failed yourself as a female because you haven’t procreated. I don’t think it’s fair. You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t mothering—dogs, friends, friends’ children … This continually is said about me: that I was so career-driven and focused on myself; that I don’t want to be a mother, and how selfish that is … No. Even saying it gets me a little tight in my throat.” — Allure, January 2015
Angela Bassett- “After trying and trying, I unfortunately couldn’t have my babies. It was my reality. I heard about the surrogate option and it worked out beautifully.” — JET Magazine, November 2013
Jimmy Fallon- “We’ve tried a bunch of things … anyone who’s tried will know, it’s just awful … we had a surrogate. We tried before, we told people and then it didn’t happen, and it’s just really depressing, it’s really hard … We tried for a long time, for five years, but if there’s anyone out there who’s trying and losing hope, just hang in there. Try every avenue, try anything you can do because you’ll get there. You’ll end up with a family and it’s so worth it. It is the most worth it thing.” — Today, August 2013
Jaime King- “For all the struggling women & moms out there that think they are alone – This is the truth about conceiving my son and struggles after. 8 yrs of pain and undiagnosed PCOS & Endometriosis. 9 doctors until Dr. Randy Harris diagnosed me & saved my life from a severe ectopic, 5 miscarriages, 5 rounds of IVF, 26 IUI’s, most with no outcome, 4½ years of trying to conceive, 26 hours of brutal labor, early delivery b/c of sudden preeclampsia, tearing and tearing after the stitches were in once I was home, milk supply issues, painful mastitis, uncontrollable crying while breast feeding, worked until the day before I [gave] birth and went back after 6 weeks after because I was afraid of letting others down.” — Instagram (since deleted), 2014
Mark Zuckerberg- “We’ve been trying to have a child for a couple of years and have had three miscarriages along the way. You feel so hopeful when you learn you’re going to have a child. You start imagining who they’ll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they’re gone. It’s a lonely experience. Most people don’t discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you’re defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own … We hope that sharing our experience will give more people the same hope we felt and will help more people feel comfortable sharing their stories as well.” — Facebook, 2015
Kim Kardashian- “I didn’t know that I was going to be so open with [my fertility challenges], but meeting people at my fertility doctor’s office who are going through the same things I’m going through, I thought, ‘Why not share my story?’ It’s been really emotional … There are definitely times when I walked out [of the doctor’s office] hysterically crying, and other times when I was like, ‘Okay, everything’s looking good, it’s going to be this month!’ The waiting and waiting has been a roller coaster.” — Glamour, June 2015
Elizabeth Banks- “Surrogacy is a very private thing … It was frankly the only way for my husband and I, who have been together for nearly 20 years, could have a child that was half him and half me. So, for us, it was absolutely the way to go … It’s a difficult decision and my heart goes out to every woman out there who’s dealing with any infertility issues and wants to have a baby and can’t figure out how do to it. But I like to say there’s lots of ways to being a mother … There are many paths to having a family.” — press tour, 2012
Nicole Kidman- “Anyone who’s been in the place of wanting another child or wanting a child knows the disappointment, the pain and the loss that you go through trying … We were in a place of desperately wanting another child. I couldn’t get pregnant … I’ve had a very, very roller coaster ride with fertility. It has never been easy for me” — Australia’s 60 Minutes, February 2011
Beyonce Knowles- “About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time and I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life. I picked out names, I envisioned what my child would look like … I was feeling very maternal. I flew back to New York to get my check up — and no heartbeat. Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat. I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I’ve ever written in my life. And it was actually the first song I wrote for my album. And it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I’ve ever been through.” —Life Is But a Dream, January 2013
Tyra Banks- “I am so tired of seeing on my social media, ‘Why don’t you have kids? Why don’t you have kids?’ You don’t know — you don’t know what I’m going through … When I was 23 years old, I used to tell myself, ‘In three years, I’m going to have kids.’ Then I turned 24. ‘In three years, I’m going to have kids.’ Every single year I kept saying that. And then after awhile, it’s like, OK, now I want to, and it’s not so easy.” — FABLife, 2015
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