Everybody says that marriage is hard, that it takes a lot of work. Having infertility added to the mix adds a whole new level of difficulty because you cannot control infertility and it overwhelms you when everyone around you is doing the things you want so seemingly easily (getting pregnant). On the flip side, infertility can also add a new level of closeness to your relationship if you are both willing to work together and support each other through the journey despite the number of disappointing negative pregnancy tests you continue to see.
I feel lonely, anxious and depressed more often than not in this process, and I try not to let it, but it takes a toll on you mentally and physically. I feel especially anxious when people around me are talking about their children, or when I am in a room with a pregant person. Husbands or significant others do not always understand what we are going through mentally and physically, since the women are the ones doing the shots, blood work and appointments. As a couple going through a long term medical "experiment" (which is how IVF feels), you have to remember to keep the other person's thoughts and feelings in mind even when you just want them to say "oh my god, your doing amazing I'm so proud of you." Having the ability to be emotionally aware of the people going through this with you is crucial, and our significant others need to know that we love and appreciate them through all our negative feelings and struggles.
I know that my husband found a whole new level of respect when he was giving me injections (which was so much better than doing them myself), because he knew that I was doing all of this for a possibility to help us start our family. Every time we would go out with friends and they would announce their pregnancies, I would cry all the way home wondering why God is punishing me when I've been trying so hard. Sometimes there is just nothing to say anymore about it, and you get so sick of talking about it but it consumes your life, your mind, and your body. If you have no insurance coverage like us, your bank account and financial situation will also become a big stressor to add to the mix. The journey to have a baby can take away all the savings you worked to build up in just one IVF cycle. This is why you have to make sure you both are 100% invested in this process. I try to remind myself that we need to talk to one another about how each of you are feeling, or when it is time to take another avenue or decide to take a break for a bit, or switch doctors, or even when to say enough is enough. Regardless of where you are, there is a good chance your relationship will experience a great strain as a result. You have to decide together what your long term goals are for a family. You also have to decide when you need to get back to your life before infertility. Everyone is different as far as when they need to call it quits or decide to continue going. Financially, you will probably be done well before you emotionally want to give up on your dream to start a family.
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