https://www.healthline.com/health/state-of-fertility#staggering-costs
No medical degree here, just my personal perspective of how this process has been for me and how I've felt going through it all. I started fertility meds shortly after my husband and I settled into our marriage. I was 31 at the time, and so I thought I better not waste too much time if I want to start a family. We planned a "before we get pregnant" trip, then another one before we started IVF, then we couldn't afford the trips anymore because of the cost for meds and trips to MD while doing the treatments...
Here I am today, almost 35, still no closer to even having a single fucking positive pregnancy test! Sorry to swear, but that is how upset I am about this. What did I do to deserve this? I thought I did everything right, I got good grades in high school and college, got an engineering degree, made a few mistakes along the way but nothing earth shattering. I married a wonderful guy, and we decided to start a family after we had a little fun traveling. Sounds like I did things right, no?
Apparently the universe has another plan for my life, or that's all I can think of to keep going forward. Infertility is HARD. I can't even explain how hard that it is, there are just no words to describe how you feel when you are going through it, especially when you progress to IVF and have to add in shots and synthetic hormones. The anxiety I felt every single time I had to do a shot, or go to get blood drawn, or have an ultrasound that most times ended in bad news literally feels like your going through some sort of deadly illness. Often times, my appointments were followed by my sobbing on my drive back to work, rushing and stressed about being late for meetings and deadlines on top of all this. It starts to haunt you, almost like a bad dream. On top of the mental part of it, and physical pain from the shots, there is also the lovely weight gain that comes with it. I actually started to look pregnant even though i was just doing the shots, and every try adds more weight and more frustration as if the failure to conceive isn't enough. Every pregnant person you walk past, every family member, or Facebook announcement, or child party. Everyone around you makes it seem so easy to decide to start a family. At first, for like a year or so, I still went to everything and just tried to push down the anxiety and depression. Eventually you realize that you just can't do it anymore. And you know what, that is perfectly ok. That has been hard for me to admit, because I always tried to attend all of these events and suck it up and be happy for the people I love. And I still am, but I don't go anymore. Those that care for me and understand my situation do not fault me for this.
Its gotten so bad for me that I truly feel that I am experiencing PTSD from the failure to move forward with starting a family. That sounds crazy, maybe, but I honestly get anxiety even being around my friends and family with babies and little kids.
https://www.livescience.com/22194-fertility-treatment-ptsd.html
Often times, when I'm having an off day I just want to hide away from the world, and from everyone that I love to wallow in my sadness. Obviously this doesn't sound healthy at all, but its so hard to continually pick yourself up and go to social events when you know that at least one person is going to be asking about when you're having kids or talking about their kids, and sometimes I just can't deal with it. Its hard enough to get out when your so depressed about your own situation. I have gone to counselors in the past, which helps to a point, but it doesn't solve anything at least not for me. There's no magic wand that someone can wave in front of you to make it go away. There's no depression or anxiety pill that will help either, although sometimes they will help you cope along with other relaxation techniques. This is why I truly believe that insurance and medical companies need to start recognizing infertility as a disease. There needs to be more #infertilityawareness in our health care system so that women like me don't have to suffer in silence anymore and can be truly recognized and cared for as we would with any other classified illness.
If you have gone through this process, or know someone that has and want to help make a difference, the RESOLVE site has a lot of good resources, including ways to try and make a difference in your state! Please do!
https://resolve.org/get-involved/advocate-for-access/current-legislation/state-bills/2018-state-advocacy-efforts/
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