For the first year of IVF, I took very little time off in between the next cycle or retrieval. This was how I was able to go through 6 cycles within a year. I only took breaks when forced to from having scar tissue surgery. My last failed IVF cycle ended in June 2018. Its been 4 months since, and despite taking a few trips for weddings, vacations and such I am no more healed than I was when I got that call that the embryo was gone for the second time after a healthy fertilized embryo was transferred.
I started a new career less than a month after this happened, I thought for sure this was my needed change. Perhaps the stress from the situation with the instability at my previous company was the low hanging fruit causing my infertility. Now I'm back to the drawing board, and thinking a lot about it again. What can I do to make my lining better? I work out, eat healthy, eat organic, don't smoke....and I look around sometimes and I am just so angry that these people around me didn't even try or learn to appreciate the gift they were given (its worse in the city). The more I think about it, I really don't want to go through another cycle of IVF. I honestly have no idea how women go through like 10+ of these things.
Just contacting my fertility nurse and talking about my situation not changing with people that have already have 2 year olds from their journey that they started when I did brings out so many raw emotions that I can't escape. I still deal with them a lot, I can't make it go away until I know I've tried and tried and tried till I had to stop or something worked to make us parents of a child we feel that we were meant to be parents to. I really feel so much pressure I mean I'm now 35 years old and I've never even been pregnant. That's like unheard of with almost everyone I know that wanted a baby. I feel so alone and just missing my friends and spending time with them to think about something else...but everyone around me has a different life these days. They have the life I thought we'd all have together with our kids growing up side by side. I am kind of dreading the holidays because it makes me feel sadder. They bring in that magical excitement when your home is filled with children. I really want to know what that feels like :( I guess I'm not there yet, but I am thinking about it and trying to decide what the next try looks like. Is it even IVF?
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