This morning I had a heavy heart waking up. I couldn't quite pinpoint why until I realized what day it was, then my heart sunk even further. A year ago, on December 21st, I found out my first IVF transfer, which took 6 months to get to between surgeries and other misfortunate setbacks, had resulted in the biggest and toughest setback of all. I remember we both took off work, because I was an emotional wreck about it the whole two weeks. At first I started out feeling optimistic, excited, it was finally our baby and our turn to have good news. Then I started to feel like it didn't work, my 6th sense if you will. Then the 14 days passed, and we made sure to keep busy shopping and running around. They never call you early with this stuff either, but yet as an IVF patient even knowing that 4pm is usually the only time they'll call, you can only hope they hear sooner and are excited to share the good news.
I got the call from my nurse around 4 though, and the way she said it "I'm sorry, there was nothing there. You're not pregnant." Not an ounce of empathy in that nurses' voice. I swear it was like she was reading the latest weather report to someone. We were standing in a Bed Bath and Beyond in the Waterfront and I just remember I didn't say a word, I just walked out of it and got some fresh air before I lost it in the damn parking lot. Another set back. So today I shall try to be positive and think to the future, but I can't help but shed a tear (or 1,000) for that little one I lost a year ago today. To think I could have had a 3 month old (ish) running around for Christmas this year, how lucky I would have been :(
I have been so emotional and sad been crying myself. I thought about you guys and the loss of the baby..My heart is broken.....You are loved beyond words and if I could give you that miracle I would. I pray for you all the time...🙏♥️